Ruby Rain

Ruby Rain was born on Christmas Eve 2004.  She was strong in my belly and I knew she was full of spirit from the very beginning.  I knew I'd have a girl.  Women are plentiful in my family.  What I didn't expect was that part of me would be reborn along with her.  As soon as I was pregnant I got my girly-girl back I always say.  I thought it was gone for good being a full-time trail worker at that point in life and not finding time to care about girly things much anymore.  It was as if Ruby brought it along with her when she came through me.  I suddenly wanted everything pink and started painting my toenails again.  I began embracing the most womanly part of myself as me, right along side the trail worker.  

I am guilty of reinventing myself again and again but having Ruby helped my find my true self once and for all; trail girl, girly-girl, fashonista, mother, sister, faithful friend, whatever I wanted to be.  I always tell Ruby what is great about being a woman is that we can have it all.  We can be cute and tough, we say.  Ruby is tough and cute alright.  She's excelling in school, she skis, she climbs, she does trail work and stacks firewood and she does it all with contagious, girly cuteness.  Ruby loves her mama too.  We have a special bond as so many mothers and daughters do.  

Ruby is now nine years old, right about the same age I was when my grandmother was first diagnosed with breast cancer.  I think about this often as I prepare for Climb Against the Odds in honor of my grandmother.  I think about the connections I had at Ruby's age and what it meant to me as a child.  Connecting with Ruby has been an incredible experience.  She is my biggest supporter and most loyal friend.  Her love and affection have guided me as a mother and guides me now every day as I train for Mount Shasta.  In preparing for my climb, Ruby has encouraged me to embrace this experience in every way possible.  She knows what it is like to lose family, she has in her short life already. Ruby is protective of my emotions and wants to help me along my journey to Mount Shasta.  She pays attention to every detail and makes suggestions about how to share our story.  Whose idea do you think this post was? She's my girl alright.

Being a mother is such an honor, especially with a daughter like Ruby but it's not all easy.  We want to protect our children from the feelings that we had when we were young that scared us as my mother and grandmother for me, especially during my grandmother's battle with breast cancer.  We want our children to feel safe and happy and loved all the time.  Feeling safe in the care of my mother and grandmother are some of the most comforting memories from childhood for me.  Making children feel perfectly safe all the time however is not truly possible nor is it always the best course.  I try to help Ruby understand the things in life that are hard when she faces them and how to cope so she has the skills to do so on her own.  I am lucky to share this responsibility with Ruby's dad, who is the best father I could ever wish for her.  We are a team and a family and we love our little girl.  We are thrilled with the person she has become and she continues to surprise and delight us as her own amazing person.  Most of all, I am impressed with how fiercely loyal and caring Ruby is with her family.  That is a known trait on my mother's side of the family for certain and it is enlightening to see this trait come through my own daughter.  Ruby makes me feel hopeful and proud every day.  She comforts me in all she does and I know she will do well in this scary world.  I am so proud of her.  Of all the things in my life that I have to guide me, she is a true role model.  I was lucky at her age to have the love and company of the women in my family.  As an adult, I value the love and company of my own daughter and never anticipated the guidance she would provide for me. 

Ruby Rain, you are a true angel.  Grammy Tibbetts would have loved to see you grow into the strong, independent girl you are.  And I think she'd see some of herself in you.  I certainly do.

Grammy's Strength

I sat with my mother recently to recall her experiences during the period my grandmother battled breast cancer.  So much is fuzzy for me since I was just eight years old when she was diagnosed. I asked my mom some questions about what she recalls during Grammy’s diagnosis and I was absolutely stunned to realize how much more than the cancer Grammy faced.  As an adult now, I can’t imagine how difficult this was.

What would you want someone close to you to know about Grammy’s experience if they were diagnosed today?  How strong she was.  Grammy & Grampy did not share Grammy’s diagnosis with anyone until after her 1st surgery (radical mastectomy).

What would you have done differently today?  Call you and your sisters and have you surround me.  I didn't always see Grammy’s strength.  I would need you to help me rally my own strength. Grammy just continued her life.  

Life went on after Grammy’s diagnosis. In April of 1982 Grammy had just barely recovered from her 1st mastectomy.  This is when Grampy told my mom about the cancer. Typically Grammy & Grampy were in Naples, FL from Columbus Day to Memorial Day.  That year they came to MA from FL in April because Grammy’s mother, my Great-Grammy Cutting, was ill.  They flew from FL to MA and settled back in, helping with Grammy Cutting through May and into June.  

That June Grampy Tibbetts had a massive heart attack.  After a short time in intensive care he was expected to fully recover.  My mother was at work when the power went out.  She took it as a sign and went to visit him despite his optimistic diagnosis.  My mom visited my grandfather, told him she loved him and she left.  He died the next day. 

The memory that stuck with my mother was how strong Grammy was surrounding Grampy's death.  She took Grammy shopping because Grammy insisted she needed a dress for Grampy’s funeral.  They went to her favorite store Empire in Gloucester, MA.  Grammy typically made her own clothes, particularly for an occasion this important, and my mom recalls the experience to be unsatisfying but at the same time therapeutic for Grammy.  Grammy went home that night and made a dress for the services after all.  Mom recalls walking on Long Beach with her mother shortly after the funeral to get some air.  Grammy told my mom that that morning she had seen the most spectacular sunrise and she felt Grampy was with her.  Mom went for a drive around Cape Ann after the funeral to clear her head.  She stopped in a cove and watched the most spectacular sunset of her life.  She felt this was Grampy telling her everything was going to be ok too.

A week after Grampy’s funeral I was a flower girl in my mom’s friend’s wedding.  In typical form, Grammy whipped up a dress for me seemingly overnight.  She sat in front of her sewing machine all day at the beach making the dress.  This was how she coped, but the struggle didn't stop there. Just a month later, Grampy’s brother Warren Tibbetts Sr. passed away.  And that August, Grammy’s mother, my Great Grammy Cutting died also. I was 8 years old.

Grammy went back to FL in September, early.  My mom recalls taking her to the airport early in the morning.  At that time you could still go to the gate.  My mom was a wreck but Grammy seemed fine. She wanted to return to her Florida family, the community of peers she has built with Grampy.  As Grammy walked down the ramp my mother approached a stewardess to please watch her; that she had been through a lot recently. It was a whirlwind summer, full of loss and it was hard for my mom to let her go but she has three young girls, two jobs and night school to attend.  Life went on for everyone.

Four years later, the cancer returned.  My mom went to FL shortly after Grammy had her second mastectomy.  Grammy insisted on staying in FL and not returning to MA to be near family despite repeated requests from her children.  My mom felt she had to be with her despite Grammy insisting she was fine and had friends to care for her.  The second time my mom went to FL was Mother’s Day 1987.  My mom brought her back to MA after a very emotional goodbye with her friends.  Grammy knew she might not see them again.

Grammy stayed at the beach in Rockport, MA when she returned.  Long Beach was a therapeutic place for everyone.  My mom and her brothers took turns staying with her at the cottage.  Grammy eventually took a turn for the worst and was moved to my Uncle Harris and Aunt Esther’s in Swampscott, MA until it became too difficult for everyone.  She was transferred to the hospital and became very weak. My mom recalls doing some reading for school while sitting with Grammy in the hospital when she realized her mother was not eating any of the meals the nurses were delivering.  She told them to stop bringing food.  Grammy was in hospice at this time and my mom recalls the moment Grammy passed.  Her brothers Peter and Harris were there with her. Grammy was at a point where she was not really speaking anymore.  Grammy signaled for my mom to come close and she managed to say three words: “I love you”.  Later she passed, surrounded by her children.

What I find most interesting about doing the Climb Against the Odds now is that my daughter is the same age as I was during Grammy’s battle with cancer.  My mother is the same age Grammy was. And I am about the same age as my mother was then, now.  This is all helping me better understand what it means to be the matriarch in a family.  I see how strong Grammy was as well as my mother during this time especially and it makes me realize my own strength.  It is comforting to see the successes within the struggles we've had and how it makes us stronger.  I feel it is such gift to have the strength of these women in my life.  

Grammy’s battle with breast cancer was one of courage and grace.  This climb is about celebrating that aspect of her experience.  I share this with you with the hope that it can inspire you too to be strong in all you face.  Along with strength, gratitude is another gift I take from this reflection with my mom.  I am grateful to have known Grammy and to have felt her love as a child.  And as an adult, I take from this a new appreciation for where my personal courage was born.  

Thank you Grammy!  Thank you Mom!

Helen Tibbetts

1917-1987

Herbal Assistance all the way from Alabama!

Support comes in all shapes and sizes!  My dear friend Summer sent me some of her handcrafted herbal products to support my climb and training.  I am feeling so loved and supported!  I am so excited to share her website and blog with you.  Her timing is amazing since I am dealing a damaged tendon in my ankle and a partially torn hamstring not to mention I was just hit by a 7-day flu.  Summer generously sent me Athletic Balm, Healing Balm and Lip Balm.  Check it out!  Thank you Summer!

The Athletic balm has in it: Organic Comfrey and Plantain infused in Organic Cold Pressed Olive Oil for six weeks. Then melted together at low heat with Shea Butter, Jojoba Oil, Beeswax and mixed with Organic Lavender, Rosemary, Peppermint, and Eucalyptus Essential Oils.

Lavender Balm has all the same with only Lavender essential oil in it.

Lip Balm is the same with a higher content of beeswax to keep it solid.

All the balms a good for healing small cuts, bruises, aches, chapped skin, rashes, and more!
Made in small batches in my home with great attention to detail and a touch of handcrafted love added.

Mothering Herbs is a small business committed to helping women and families help themselves with herbs for the pregnancy year and beyond. Founded in 2008, Mothering Herbs is a combination of mother and daughter effort.

Mothering Herbs website:  http://motheringherbs.com/

Find Mothering Herbs on Facebook and learn more.
Update 2/26/2014!  Summer McCreless via Mothering Herbs

Congratulations to my friend Cristin Bailey for reaching her 50% mark on raising funds in her Climb Against the Odds 2014. To help her along I am giving her 25% of all sales from March 1st-10th. Mention CLIMB to send her support!

Find up-to-date workshop and product info on their blog:
http://www.motheringherbs.com/Blog/hello-world/ 

Summer Ware McCreless manages the website and facebook page, orders, makes the infused oil and balms, mixes the herbal tea blends, organizes and teaches workshops, classes, consultations and in-home workshops and grows herbs in Wolf Springs, AL.

Summer McCreless
of Mothering Herbs

¡Féliz Año Nuevo!

Pico de Orizaba

Happy New Year!  As I enter 2014 and prepare for my Climb Against the Odds, I have been reflecting on my introduction to mountaineering.  In December of 1995 and January of 1996, myself and a handful of students went to climb a few of Mexico's volcanoes with Colorado Mountain College.  It was an Introduction to Mountaineering class, the first of its kind for the school's brand new Outdoor Recreation Program.  A young couple from Leadville, CO were brought on as adjunct professors to lead this course.  On the first day of class they pitched the trip to Mexico to us.  We were all stunned, yet thrilled at the possibility.  We'd drive from campus in Leadville at 10,000+ feet, already acclimatized, and head to Mexico with the intention of climbing Popocatépetl ("Popo") -17,802, Iztaccíhuatl ("Ixta")-17,342 and Orizaba-18,701.

After preparing all fall semester, we spent a couple of days driving through Texas and Mexico heading south shortly after Christmas.  We discovered during our travels that Popo was getting increasingly active and to add insult to injury it had snowed near the peak for the first time in over 20 years.  The locals were celebrating but we were facing difficult logistics.  This changed our itinerary.  We had planned to climb Popo and Ixta first, then try for Orizaba but with the situations near Popo we headed for Orizaba first instead.  So we travelled to Senor Reyes' old soap factory turned climber hostel  We sorted gear and set up a jeep ride to the hut at the base of Orizaba at about 14,000 feet.  We hit snow however, and had to hike to the hut which was uncommon.

Popo & Ixta

Senor Reyes' Soap Factory

End of the Jeep Ride

Route Up Orizaba

We spent a night in the hut and went for the summit around midnight.  We climbed at this hour because conditions were safest and easiest i.e. firm.  We took the most commonly travelled route.  I recall my friends dragging me up there in spirit although I wanted to bail.  This was harder than I had anticipated despite many warnings. We had "trained" for this trip by learning basic mountaineering techniques back in Leadville; self-arrest, crampon use, rope team etiquette, etc.  We had also evolved as a team.  Being the only female student was challenging for me but when push came to shove on this climb it was one guy in particular who really talked be through the mental challenges.  He made me truly believe I could do it.  I was not in the best shape of my life, in fact I was a heavy smoker at the time.  At this altitude, my smoker's lungs and out of shape legs were very apparent.  I wanted to give in to my body's failing attempt at this summit but the pep talk from that fellow student helped me discover my inner strength.

One student got pretty sick from altitude early in our summit bid and was escorted back to the hut.  We were all sad to leave him behind. Another got very sick mid-climb and had to head down with one of the instructors.  We saw most of the things we had discussed could happen during a climb like this but somehow most of us made it to the summit.  I made it out with an 18,000+ foot peak under my belt but it cost me toe bang from swelling feet, frostbite on my toes for the same reason and sun poisoning.  Later in the trip a handful of students made it up Ixta but I had to stay behind for the damages I incurred on Orizaba.

On this journey we learned ¡Féliz Año Nuevo! was the spanish translation of Happy New Year.  Every New Year I need to say this to myself.  This trip changed me and this celebratory exclamation reminds me of it.

As I prepare for Mount Shasta I am reminded of all I learned on my trip to the volcanoes in Mexico.  That trip was more than a few years ago and I am in a very different place in my life than I was then.  I am sure I will be challenged in new and different ways whether it be physical and/or emotional.  Whatever challenges I face, I will face them with people who have faced breast cancer either personally or through friends and family. The team aspect of Mount Shasta is sure to be a powerful experience.  I look forward to pulling from each other's strengths and supporting each other through our own individual weaknesses.  The Climb Against the Odds will by incredibly symbolic.  I can't wait to look back on it and reflect on all that it will do for me in the same way I look back on Mexico.

¡Féliz Año Nuevo!

White Mountains Today Interview!

Grammy Tibbetts & The Beach

Meet my Grammy Tibbetts.  Born Helen Theresa Cutting, she married my grandfather Harris Herbert Tibbetts in 1935.  She is pictured here with my mother, Sue Ellen Tibbetts, her only daughter. Helen had four children; Harris, Peter, David and Sue Ellen.  My mother and her brothers were raised in Beverly, Massachusetts.  Their family bought a small cottage on Long Beach in Rockport, Massachusetts where they spent summers.  My mother eventually married and had a family of her own, as did her brothers.  Long Beach became a second home to my sisters and I along with many cousins.  Some of my favorite childhood memories were on that beach with family.

Grammy & Grampy Tibbetts shared their love of the ocean with their family.  They also showed us that you don't need elaborate accommodations to enjoy the outdoors. We used to cram into that tiny cottage like sardines and never cared because we were with family and we were at the beach.  I remember always wanting Grammy's "blueberry blanket" as we called it for our overnights.  My sister's and I would argue over this small detail every time we visited. And I loved to sleep on the couch on the screen porch so I could hear the ocean, we'd fight over that too.  We just wanted our favorite pieces of that place and were learning to share like any children would.  My great-grandmother is part of these memories too; Grammy Cutting.  She used to yell, "Don't slam the door" as we ran in and out of the house for snacks and back up the walk to the beach.  Inevitably, the slam of the door would closely follow.  I also used to run in and steal a swig of my grandmother's Moxie from the fridge and quickly decide that's all I needed, but still had to do it because of its allure.  We'd have lobster feasts after my uncles spent a day on their boat.  Grammy would make "German Cukes" which was something like sliced cucumbers, vinegar and milk.  We all stubbed our toes running up and down the paved walkway.  These small details are like family jewels; we bring them out and sit with them from time to time and are all left feeling rich.

Grammy Tibbetts died after a five year battle with breast cancer in 1987.  During that time I was between the ages of 8 and 13 so the details are a bit scattered in my mind.  Grammy had two radical mastectomies, four years apart.  These are details anyone would shelter their children from, it's no wonder they are foggy.  Her second diagnosis was rapid after what was called a "clean" mammogram.  I didn't remember any of this until my mother recently told me.  I've let my mother absorb these details and now it's my turn to help her relive my grandmother's journey but this time with a hopeful twist.  Each person lost to breast cancer has a story.  We can learn from these stories.  Thank you Mom for sharing Grammy's story and joining me on this journey!  I couldn't do it without you.  Like you said, we all share Grammy's strength and that is an amazing gift.

Today I am grateful for the memories my grandmother and mother provided for us on the beach.  I am also grateful that technology and education are on our side more than they were during my childhood.  The Breast Cancer Fund is making sure of that and my climb in June will contribute to critical research and education to eliminate toxic chemicals that cause this cancer.  I hope to share more stories about Grammy Tibbetts as well as other family and friend's and focus on the victories, big and small, as well the strength of these incredible people.  Together we can find the silver lining in the struggles breast cancer has brought to our lives. 

FoooOoOOOOoD!

You are what you eat they say and I can say from personal experience that the right diet seems to be the answer to many of my individual health challenges.  I currently don't eat gluten or sugar.  This is a breeze compared to the two years I spent banishing a severe case of Candida after years of sinus infections treated with excessive antibiotics and steroids.  I eventually had sinus surgery which made all the difference concerning allergies and regular infections.  But I needed to battle the yeast in my body which from extensive use of steroids and antibiotics coupled with bad food choices created major fatigue, balance issues, difficulty swallowing and general tummy trouble.  I was desperate.  

On a friend's advice (THANK YOU SUMMER!) I chose the Body Ecology Diet and lived by it for two full years. Donna Gates is the mastermind behind this diet.  You can learn more about Donna and her diet concept on her website at http://bodyecology.com/.  She's got a great book and LOTS of products.  All I ever purchased was the book, you don't need to spend money on anything but food, good vitamins and probiotics in my opinion.  The basic concept of this diet is to starve the yeast living in your body, particularly in your gut.  You have to remove everything from your diet that is can live off of or you are creating an environment in which it thrives and you suffer.  You eat about 80% non-starchy vegetables on this diet as the foundation.  This concept alone has changed my whole approach to eating.  You are allowed only four grains: amaranth, quinoa, buckwheat and millet.  Sugar is out.  Stevia is pretty much the only sweetener allowed.  You are allowed extra virgin olive oil, ghee, coconut oil and sometimes organic butter but all other oils are out.  Meat, eggs and dairy must be hormone and antibiotic free and preferably organic.  It is best if meat is grass fed as well.  All vegetables should be organic and you need to hit probiotics and cultured foods hard.  As an unexpected side effect I lost 20lbs in the first 3 months on this diet.  Believe it or not, I really started to enjoy the changes in the food I was eating and eventually the eliminated my Candida symptoms.  This diet was a pleasure, not a burden, because I got my life back.

They say to never go back to gluten once you've beaten Candida.  I decided refined sugars needed to stay out too but I am allowing honey, maple syrup, agave, xylitol, stevia and occasionally molasses.  I cannot go back to where I was!  This gluten free, sugar free diet seems to agree with my energy levels and really helps me maintain a healthy weight.  I also try to buy organic as much as possible but I'm not always to one buying the groceries and lead a busy lifestyle.  I do the best I can and it seems to be working.

Training for a trip like the Climb Against the Odds or some of the races I've done requires a well thought out diet that supports the physical effort you put in.  I am still learning how to balance this all.  I'll be honest, sometimes I make poor choices like grabbing a bag of chips after a run instead of a high protein recovery food like greek yogurt.  Sometimes I am very good and feel great about my choices but I have to remain realistic about the challenges life offers. There's always a choice to be made and a consequence to follow.  I am working towards increasing the choices that benefit me and being patient about results.  I hope to talk more about what I'm eating during this process.  I'd love to share some recipes and discuss things like recovery foods.  I will also let you know about my favorite food brands.  Shelf ready foods are hard to come by on this diet!

Those of you who know me are very familiar with my ferocious appetite and my love of food.  You also know that I am resilient and determined.  This combination has created a flurry of new recipes in my cupboard, a systematic change of my food routine and having a cooler of food with me at almost all times.  This kind of lifestyle takes energy but the food you eat gives you the energy to spend.  I highly recommend it.  More to come!